Top 10 Pro Basketball Player Names (2003-2004 edition)

Every year around the start of the NBA season I do this somewhat ridiculous (but fun) ranking of player names. This year I decided to work on my methodology a bit. Rather than just picking the names I liked the best from the NBA's list of active players, I made a list of 15 or so candidate names and then I imagined both Bill Walton and Marv Albert using those names in their signature expressions.

For Bill Walton, the saying was

{Player's name}... the intensity, the speed, the explosiveness... the utter disregard for his physical health and well being.

For Marv Albert it was

Yes! {Player's name}... from downtown!

Then I scored each expression and ranked them. After some shuffling--I had to award bonus points for unintentional hilarity--here's this year's list:

10. Earl Boykins
9. Darko Milicic
8. Moochie Norris
7. LeBron James
6. Nikoloz Tskitishvili
5. Ruben Boumtje Boumtje
4. Kareem Rush
3. Zydrunas Ilgauskas
2. Lucious Harris
1. Nenê

(For comparison: last year's list and the year before.)

Comments

dunkfudragon says...

Some of my favorites that were inexplicitly left off this year's list
Lee "Press On" Nailon, Dan Gadzuric (Bless You), Koko Archibong,
Leandrinho Barbosa, Sofoklis Schortsanitis, Szymon Szewczyk, Ndudi Ebi,
Cherokee Parks, DeSagana Diop, Cezary Trybanski and last but not least
Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean Jacque Wamutombo.

Posted on Nov 6, 2003
Gene says...

Leandro Barbosa was in the running, as was DeSagana Diop. So was Ira Newble, in fact, and I bet I could've done a pretty good all-Cavs list.

Koko Archibong was waived by the Lakers (otherwise he'd probably be top-five candidate).

If I hadn't deliberately left out nicknames Jason "White Chocolate" Williams and Shawn "The Matrix" Marion would've made appearances.

Posted on Nov 6, 2003
Seth Werkheiser says...

Xaiver McDaniel - i always loved that name. But amongst your current list - Nene is the best.

Posted on Nov 6, 2003
dunkfudragon says...

A lakers fan and I messed up KoKo, my bad. Maybe you should do an all-time best NBA names and while you are at it do an all-time best College Basketball name list. Here some to start you off with, some
of the best names in college basketball, past and present.

Brett Blizzard
Boomer Brazzle
Commander King
Cheikh Ya-Ya Dia
Longar Longar
Mack Tuck

and the top 3 best college names:
3. God Shamgod
2. Majestic Mapp

And for number 1, Majestic's brother and all time best name

1. Scientific Mapp. If this guy had made the NBA he would of been number one on your list every year. :)

Posted on Nov 6, 2003
forksclovetofu says...

How about the one they ARE saying all the time... his highness, Predrag Stojakovic?

Posted on Nov 9, 2003
Latonya Lee says...

These are some wack names for top ten list I think you guys should come up with a better list and I was thinking maybe I could help you guys with a list,because I know some great basketball players. Here is my list at the bottom. Allen Iverson
Tracy MaGrady
Paul Peirce
TaShawn Prince
Michael Jordan
Chawncy Billup
Vince Carter
Dajuan Wagner
Steve Francis
Carmello Anthony

Posted on Dec 10, 2003
Tom Smortich says...

Are you kidding me? I think Micheal Jordan all the way! MJ is the best and all you people know it! stop lying! Look its not Darko Milic! He sucks! MJ all the all way!

Posted on Dec 22, 2003
Bonita says...

I know close to nothing about basketball, but one evening I was watching a special they were doing on a certain player who was part of a reading program for kids. He was being recogniezed for giving back to the community I guess. and they showed him reading to children in a public library. Any who I think he was a pro player. I want to know his name. The most gorgeous man I've ever laid my eyes on. He was a white red haired guy. Wore a goat-tee and had the prettiest sleepy blue eyes. ***gush*** Okay any idea who that is ?? Let me know please. Thanks.

Posted on Jan 5, 2004
jhoshea says...

How can no one mention Carlos Boozer? This is probably the best name ever, anywhere. Sure it's not so flashy, like your , Ruben Boumtje Boumtje's or Nene's, but that's what makes it so lovable. The alcoholic implications, the over all crappiness. It sounds like the name of a guy you'd actually meet, at an 80's club or a car stereo exposition or a kiddie porn chat room: it's a name of true beauty.

Posted on Mar 19, 2004
jKIM says...

WUT ABOUT KOBE BRYANT AND SHAQ!!!!! X_X how in the world are they not included

Posted on May 3, 2004
Chill says...

Come on now. Let's be reasonable.
1. Michael Jordan
2. Wilt Chamberlaian
3. Bill Russell (11 rings)
4. Larry Bird
5. Magic Johnson
6. Dr. J
7. Tim Duncan
8. Allen Iverson
9. Oscar Robertson
10. Karl Malone

Posted on May 8, 2004
Isiah Lord Thomas III says...

you are crazy it is really like this

1. Wilton Norman Chamberlin "The Big Dipper"
2. Michael Jeffrey Jordan "Air Jordan"
3. Larry Joe Bird
4. Earvin Jhonson Jr. "Magic"
5. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
6. Julius Winfield Erving II "Dr.J"
7. Peter Press Maravich "Pistol Pete"
8. Oscar Palmer Robertson "The Big O"
9. William Felton Russel
10. James Ager Worthey "Big Game James

Posted on May 14, 2004

 

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Posted by Gene Smith on Nov 6, 2003. Before this there was XP TaskSwitcher. Next up is Clipesthetic sense?.

About the Author

Gene Smith is a principal with nForm, one of Canada's leading user experience consulting firms. He writes about information architecture, interaction design, community, the web and other such topics. More >

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